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CURRENT ISSUE:

Editor's note: We're excited to introduce special guest author Roxanne Livingston to you because she's the real deal. She's made chronically hurtful people the focus of her professional work, and come out of it with the essential nuggets we each need to recognize who these people are and to immediately initiate certain key self-care strategies when we do.
Happily for the rest of us, she is sharing this life-saving information in her new book, available by clicking on this title: Chronically Hurtful People:  How to Identify and Deal with the Difficult, Destructive andDisconnecte d   or going to Createspace/3697008.
We suggest you get a copy and memorize what she's discovered - it could save you a lifetime of pain and suffering (this is no exaggeration!) Here's a taste of what you'll find:

Encountering The Chronically Hurtful Person
by Roxanne K Livingston, M.A.

Most of us, maybe all of us (except perhaps true saints and mystics), have a capacity to behave toward others in hurtful ways, and most of us have behaved this way in one way or another--likely more than once.
 
However, I have come to understand over time that there is quite a difference between people who occasionally "lose it" and do hurtful things and those who behave hurtfully as a matter of course. These differences are important both in clinical practices (whether in psychological and medical practices or in social service work) and in our personal lives.
 
In both arenas, those who try to serve, assist, or live with hurtful people often find themselves frustrated, discouraged, confused, or even furious. While these reactions are understandable and normal, once one understands the issues and dynamics of the situation and has tools appropriate for the task at hand, these effects can be significantly reduced.
 
People who have empathy for others and who live their lives in accordance with some version of "treat others as you would have them treat you" may assume that it may be best to treat someone who does something irresponsible and hurtful with understanding and forgiveness.
 
Understanding and forgiveness work well with those who acknowledge and care about their wrongdoing, recognize a common humanity and interdependence with others, and are willing to make changes.
 
However, when understanding and forgiveness are directed toward those who repeatedly engage in irresponsible behavior and have no interest in changing, those irresponsible behaviors may be reinforced rather than altered.
 
I have noticed over time that responsible and caring people often put up with a chronically hurtful person (CHP) in their lives for years. Their thinking goes something like, "It takes two to create problems; it must be my fault too" or "She is a good person underneath," or "I am probably too sensitive," or "He just is tired, (stressed, lonely, etc. etc.). 
 
And when the CHP is a public person affecting society, "Our culture is so competitive and stressful, no wonder he got caught up in that and did that." Overlooking problem behavior in others and accepting too much responsibility for another's hurtful pattern serves no one.
 
THREE KEY WAYS TO IDENTIFY A CHP:
 
Identifying a CHP is not always an easy matter. CHPs are expert at fooling people, and expert at eliciting support.
 
One way we can begin to suspect that the person...
 
 


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Tags: healthier life more wellbeing subjective well being emotional wellbeing social wellbeing psychological wellbeing optimal wellness vaccines

SPECIAL NOTICE:

Learn how to create the emotional life you desire!

Emotional Development 101,

a series of 10, one-hour per week online classes starts January 16th, 2012.

Register now and receive valuable preparatory materials

Details at

http://www.emotionaldevelopment101.com